I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.
He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
- Rodney Dangerfield-
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked
at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield -