Thursday, December 29, 2005

2006 Resolutions

Skipping New Year’s Resolutions for 2006.

Just add too much pressure on the old brain.

But you are more than welcome to post yours
right here.Don't just fret too much about it.
Life is to be enjoyed, not stressed.


Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Had Enough Of Smoking?

As 2006 is fast approaching more and
more people are thinking of quitting

If you are one of them, why not follow
Mary as she goes through it?

You can watch videos of her struggle
and get inspired by Mary.

Just click on this title and maybe,maybe
you'll be on the road to quitting too.


Monday, December 26, 2005

Back To Normal

Great! It's over.
No more Christmas talking and
writing for at least 11 months, Deal?

Now, we can concentrate on our regular
life, the everyday life...the one that
that we really "live",not a storybook
kind of life.


Thursday, December 15, 2005

Some Women Are Happier Than Others

Meet one of them.
She is hilarious.

Enjoy her writing.


Note:Click on title to surf over
there as fast as you can.


Wednesday, December 14, 2005

A Few Lawyers Jokes

I found a few very good lawyers jokes this
morning and thought you might get a kick out
of them. I did.

By: Richard A. Chapo,lawyer in San Diego


Hilarious Letter To Santa Claus

The following had me in stitches!Enjoy the reading!

Feel Free to Use This Handy Christmas Form Letter

Scott Hollifield
Friday, December 9, 2005

Ah, Christmas. It's the only time of year when a home invasion by a fat man in a red suit doesn't provoke frantic 911 calls.

But who really has time to find the perfect five-gallon decorative tin of popcorn for Uncle Bertram, organize a boycott of retailers who wish us "happy holidays" instead of "merry Christmas" AND pen the annual letter to Santa Claus listing all those goodies we want from the retailers who wish us "happy holidays" instead of "merry Christmas?"

If only someone who makes a living, albeit a modest one in which macaroni and cheese is a luxury item, stringing those nouns and verbs together to form semi-coherent sentences that ramble on and on and on and on would create a form letter to Santa, many of us would have more time for shopping and boycotting.

In the spirit of the season, I've decided to be that someone. All you have to do is clip out the letter below, circle (using a No. 2 pencil only) the appropriate choices I've conveniently listed to personalize your letter, mail it to Santa Claus then hustle back to the mall.


Dear Santa,

How are you? I am (a. fine b. a little gaseous after that microwave burrito c. under indictment for accepting thousands of dollars in illegal contributions from defense contractors).

Is it snowing at the North Pole? The weather here is (a. partly cloudy with a 30 percent chance of precipitation mainly after midnight; b. unpredictable due to global warming; c. controlled by the United Nations from a secret base on the moon).

I know you and your elves have been busy making toys for all the boys and girls. I, too, have been busy (a. at work; b. going to twice-weekly, court-ordered counseling sessions for "anger issues"; c. marching back and forth in front of Dave's Discount Stereo Outlet with a big cardboard sign reading, "If You Don't Like 'Merry Christmas,' You Can Go On Back To Communist China").

As you are well aware, this has been a difficult year for me personally, due in part to (a. an allergic reaction to the new carpet in my office; c. my wife leaving me for that Pilates instructor I always figured was gay; c. that meddlesome special prosecutor going around sticking his nose where it doesn't belong).

But, through it all, I have managed to be good or at least good enough for you to bring me lots of shiny gadgets. At the top of that list would be (a. an Xbox 360; b. a Hummer; c. a curvaceous swimsuit model to drive the Hummer while I sit in the back and play "Call of Duty 2" on the Xbox 360).

Lest you think I am focused too much on material items this year, I would also like (a. peace on Earth; b. an end to world hunger; c. oh, who am I kidding - a curvaceous swimsuit model to drive the Hummer while I sit in the back and play "Call of Duty 2" on the Xbox 360).

In closing, Santa, I am sure you are aware of the controversy this year regarding "happy holidays" vs. "merry Christmas." Since I don't know your feelings on this issue, I will safely sign off by wishing you and yours (a. a happy holiday; b. a merry Christmas; c. a wonderful Chanukah; d. a lovely Kwanzaa; e. a beautiful Boxing Day; f. a stress-free winter solstice; g. a festive St. Lucia Day; h. lots of fun at Keith Richards 62nd birthday party on Dec. 18; i. all of the above).

Now, back to the mall.

Scott Hollifield is editor of The McDowell News in Marion, N.C. Contact him at P.O. Box 610, Marion, N.C. 28752 or e-mail

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Monday, December 12, 2005

A Little Joy

The following funnies sure got a laugh out of me this morning!

A nickel will get you on the subway,
but garlic will get you a seat."
New York Yiddish Proverb

Once a woman has forgiven a man,
she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.
- Marlene Dietrich

CHIPS: The fattening, non-nutritional food
computer users eat to avoid having to leave their
keyboards for meals.

COPY: What you have to do during school tests
because you spend too much time at the computer
and not enough studying.

CURSOR: What you try not to turn into
when you can't get your computer to perform.

DISK: What goes out in your back after bending over
a computer keyboard for several hours.

DUMP: The place all your former hobbies wind up
soon after you get a new computer.

ERROR: What you made the first time you walked into
a computer showroom to "just look."

EXPANSION UNIT: The new room you have to build on
to your home to use your computer and all its peripherals.

FILE: What your secretary can now do to her nails
six and a half hours a day, now that the
computer does her day's work in 30 minutes.

FLOPPY: The condition of a constant computer user's stomach
due to lack of exercise and a
steady diet of junk food (see chips).

HARDWARE: Tools, such as lawn mowers,
rakes and other heavy equipment you haven't laid a
finger on since getting your computer.

IBM: The kind of missile your family members and friends
would like to drop on your computer so
you'll pay attention to them again.

MENU: What you'll never see again after buying a computer
cause you'll be too poor to eat in a restaurant.

MONITOR: Often thought to be a word associated with computers,
this word actually refers to those obnoxious kids who
always want to see your hall pass at school.

PROGRAMS: Those things you used to look at on your television
before you hooked your computer up to it.

RETURN: What lots of people do with their computers
after only a week and a half.

TERMINAL: A place where you can find buses,
trains and really good deals on hot computers.

WINDOW: What you heave the computer out of after
you accidentally erase a program that took
you three days to set up.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

The More Joy You Give To Others The More You Receive

I would like to introduce you to a wonderful
family working in Haiti to bring its people
some hope and help.

Follow the title and read the story of the
DeHart family.

The work they so lovingly perform in Haiti
is remarkable.


Wednesday, December 07, 2005

A Remarkable Couple

It is so refreshing and encouraging to find
good deeds and feel good stories
in this negative world.

One of my favorites has to be A Glimmer Of Hope.

Here is one quote from co-founder Donna Berber:

"My God, who said one person can't make a difference!"

Click on the title and read the rest of the story, it
will fascinate you.


P.s. Don't forget to visit
where you will find more inspiring articles.


Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Find Joy!

Be of good cheer.
Do not think of today's failures,
but of the success that may come tomorrow.
You have set yourselves a difficult task,
but you will succeed if you persevere;
and you will find joy in overcoming obstacles.
Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost.

-Helen Keller-

Best Friend. Worst Enemy.

Your mirror reflects your best friend
and your worst enemy at the same time.

Your best friend because who knows you better,
who can best sympathise and understand.

Your worst enemy because who is more dangerous
than someone who knows your darkest secrets,
most vulnerable points.

-Johan V Campbell-

Monday, December 05, 2005

Congratulations Are In Order


19 students competing in the finals of
"Siemens Westinghouse Competition"
won scholarships ranging from $10,000 to $100,000.

To read more of this "good news" story, please
click on the title.